It's so odd, it feels oh so long ago...I guess it has been a while, just two years but it feels like 20 years ago that I came out gay, to myself, to my family and my friends all at once. If you had to look at my life, indulge my delusions of grandeur and stroke my ego. I'd have to say the moment I stepped into the spotlight was with the simple 10 second 'confession' of also liking guys in this music video. I was too afraid to say I only like guys at that point. That's the 'Hollywood' moment of my 'rise to fame' but it truly began with me accepting myself, my gay side personally in my heart. So than it was time for telling the world. It was a true epic confession only revealed to my family & friends all at once with the posting of this silly music video on June Ninth, 2011 at 6PM. I thoroughly milked it for all it was worth. It was like some huge Hollywood premiere, it felt that monumental to me and it was that lifechange to myself, to who I was and am today because of that moment!
I've know all my life that I like guys sexually, since I was 5 years old looking at a kids penis in Mcdonalds in Taiwan. I've always hid that side, I repressed it and tried so hard to be straight all my life. I fought the gay impulses and it was a horrible battle that last 28 years and lead me to an actual jail cell. It was a horrible punishment, ending with me in jail for 28 long, painful hours. I was engaged at that time, to a beautiful girl I was dating for 6 years. I was put in that jail because my repressed emotions came out violently against my best friend, my Best Man, a guy that I loved and secretly wanted in a deeper way.
It's a long story and I gladly tell that story when asked but to keep it simple here. I was released from jail, I realized why I hurt my best friend, why I became so evil in one horrible moment of violence. I finally admitted to myself I was gay and I accepted that I was gay, as painful as it made me feel. I told my fiance' with tear filled eyes that I believe I was gay. I could not hurt her with lies anymore, lies to her and lies to myself.
I did the best I could to be honest and do the right thing. I proceeded to change my entire life for the better. A year after coming out to myself and my ex-fiance' I created this music video, planning to come out publicly in it. To become an 'honest artist', an artist unafraid of his own talents for once. I believe being gay has given me unique tools and perspective as an artist, I personally believe this and I know my art has indeed improved in so many ways. I am not afraid to speak my mind, to tell a story, to be creative, to act in a manner that I once thought was 'gay' and wrong for me to be like. I accept myself now and I've realized how amazing life can be when you follow your heart. When you speak the truth about yourself, even if you tell no one but your own self. Just love you for who you are and use those talents to help yourself and others, it's what I've done.
I thought I was put in jail on that awful night, I sat there for 28 hours and when I was released, I realized I was returning to another kind of prison, a self-created one that I had built up pretending to be straight in all my ways in my previous life. So I got out of jail and soon after, I released myself and my heart from my own personally created prison. Thank you for reading and listening to my humble story. I want to leave you with what I was forced to learn, love yourself, love others, be honest and you will have a beautiful life beyond your wildest dreams. You will love life as much as I do and be blessed in many ways through your work. Thanks and I wish you the best in your own travels through your life, it's hard but I'm here to help others!
-Nicholas W. Stamps
http://youtu.be/_amLpxYTveA
